Artichokin' Kidding Me? (I'm so sorry)

Thank you, Zach L., Millburn, NJ for your review of Artichoke Pizza in New York, NY.

If you haven’t seen it already, I’d like to introduce you to this meme:

But instead of Jesus, it’s me, and instead of saying, “Why would- [closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]- Why would anyone order wine?” I’m saying, “Why would- [closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]- Why would anyone go to Artichoke Pizza and order a plain slice of pizza?”

Let me repeat: WHY WOULD ANYONE GO TO ARTICHOKE PIZZA AND ORDER A PLAIN SLICE OF PIZZA?

That's what’s “pretty embarrassing” here (and your "jokes", tbh). I didn’t even know they had plain slices of pizza. 

For those unfamiliar, Artichoke Pizza serves a pizza covered in what is essentially spinach-artichoke dip and it’s f*cking delicious. I mean look at it…

This is why there's a line out the door, you idiot.

When you got to the counter and said "One plain slice" did the pizzaiolo sigh and say "Are you sure?" because they should have.

Basically what I'm saying is you've given me no reason to trust your judgment, therefore this review is not helpful in any way.

Also, Harvey Weinstein is a rapist so I'm not getting the comparison here.

Also, also... I really want to make a joke about how you're from New Jersey so you should stfu, but I'm trying to be better than that.

One out of five stars.

See you next Tuesday!