Fast and Loose

Thank you, Nehemiah M. CA, CA for your review of American Junkie in Hermosa Beach, CA.

Quite a stunning review of this beachside sports bar we’ve got here. 

I am all about enthusiasm in moderation but this is straight-up hyperbole. The best old “fashions” in the state of California? The whole state? It’s 163,695 square miles and I’m supposed to believe you have tried every single one? I don’t think so, man. That just doesn’t seem possible.

Given the number of spelling errors in this review, I think you’ve had quite a few of those old “fashions” and your judgment should not be trusted. I’ve been to this bar and they’re the kind of place that adds way too much simple syrup to this drink. Though I’m biased; My neighbor Doug makes the best one I’ve ever had and he doesn’t even use simple syrup. What he uses is a secret that you’d only know if you’d ever been to “The Porch”, the most exclusive late-night spot in all of Pasadena, CA, to try one. Which you haven’t, have you?

What I do like about this is that the elements were vibing for you to make you write such a glowing review of such a mediocre place. The sound of the waves in the distance faintly detectable over a game blasting on every TV, a gentle ocean breeze or the breath of a sports fan huffing next to you, the warmth in your belly of a well-bourbon like Evan Williams that will ultimately give you a headache tomorrow… that’s the sweet spot right there. That’s a five-star review. 

But ya gotta cool it with the exaggeration if you want anyone to take you seriously. Who knows how fast and loose you’re playing with your bold statements, it could bite you in the ass pretty quickly.

Two out of five stars. 

See you next Tuesday.